It's my last day as a Pool Monitor at the Purple Parrot resort. It's been a good Summer job and I've done it well I think. It's Saturday, the pool is busy and the Tiki bar is full.
It's the last day I ride my trike over the bridge.
The last day I stop at the market on the way in to buy support food.
And the last day I set up my office in the security shack.
Well I've made peace with Dan and Shelby. We will move the trailer I'm living in to the Lillian RV Park on Monday. Jack the manager is expecting me, I've paid the deposit a while ago, and the rent there will be $500 a month plus electric.
Dan's parents are the owner of the trailer and I will be paying them $150 a month rent, which works within my SS budget. Dan and Shelby will help me hook everything up, and it looks like heading down the road with a blanket, a tarp and a suitcase, are on hold.
Today is my last day of work at the Parrot, tomorrow I'll prep the trailer for the move, and it will be done here.
I'll be showing up in Lillian, AL as the crazed old programmer. I already have a bulletin board system for the trailer park and a new store front app for the Blue Sky Trading Company down the street.
Life is interesting and it continues.
I had three days left on the Purple Parrot pool schedule today, to close out the season. Nobody was left on the roster except me, the man who has no idea where his life is going to lead in the next few moments.
So I gave the today and Sunday shifts to my good buddy Shelby.
I spent the morning wrapping up my latest Store Front code project with Gemini AI. We had quite a session and I managed to get the app down to two main functions.
• The Store Front app where the user picks things out from products within categories, then puts them in their Cart and buys them.
• The Admin app where the store owner maintains their products and categories.
It's in great shape.
I thought about leaving today but that would have messed with my integrity. For one thing, I have one day left on my job. Tomorrow Saturday is the last day of the season and the busiest probably.
I also care about my real friends, the dogs. With Shelby working noon to seven, and Dan at work the same time, they can really use me. Three are kept in the small wire kennel during owner away time because they're rowdy and tear up things in the house.
If I'm here I can let them out into the yard, go potty, run. They get treats from me that make their day. They love me and it's mutual.
So today was like that. I work tomorrow and I'll do the same thing for the dogs on Sunday.
Then I leave...
I discovered this evening that my grand-daughters bad feelings towards me are a result of the year and a half we have spent together since she brought me down here from Tennessee.
I had made the assumption that my last two months, and more, of sobriety and life changes were in play. They are not, I am wrong.
She even blamed my current depression on the fact that I stopped taking a prescribed anti-depression pill. Yes I did, more than two months ago.
The situation has dissolved into nothing now, and I have to leave to retain some sanity.
I honestly have no idea where I will land, but I will be leaving behind what few possessions that I still had left, and were of value to me. I will travel with one small suitcase with wheels, and a leather bag containing a tarp and a blanket. Hopefully I can attach the two somehow.
Wish me luck...
I'm really, really disgusted and hurt. Depression is weighing me down like I'm covered in concrete. I'm doing my job checking arm bands at the pool, but I can't even make eye contact.
There's two hours left on this shift and I think I can make it, but I don't know. I have nowhere to go in this life or the ambition to do it, but the thought of staying where I'm at makes me sick.
Maybe it Is time to be mentally ill. I can't imagine anything worse at the moment.
And fuck anybody who thinks I'm a liar. If you've spent anytime reading this blog you know that I always speak the raw truth, no matter how it may embarrass me or hurt anyone.
I may be a mentally ill drunken old liar, but I can still create a very nice Store Front program. I'm quite proud of it actually, not quite done and it may never be.
Well, it's been a wild ride since my grand-daughter embedded herself into my life back in Tennessee. Living with a narcissist has been all over the internet lately, and I have experienced it first hand.
Just one more chapter in my crazy 79 years. I have to say though, I'm proud of myself at the moment. Despite the scathing words of her email yesterday, I know the truth, and my own personal truth.
I have been clean, sober, healthy and reliable all Summer. I've performed my job well, taken care of the chickens and loved the hell out of four dogs.
I'm tan and fit, pretty good for an old guy, and trust me I've made a lot of comparisons to my brothers at the pool.
So now I don't know what happens next. I have four more days of work, and then I'm done here. I'll contact my employer and ask her to hold on to my last paycheck, too bad it can't be direct deposited.
It's a dangerous world out there, but I'm finally at the point of not caring. I'll do my best to survive, and hopefully land well. If it goes wrong at least they'll have an email to read at my eulogy.
Just thought I'd share the latest text from my grand-daughter Shelby.
I know you don’t like being caught in lies, but you really don’t have any more options here pops. You’ve created this life you hate. You’ve created an alternate reality again that is so far from the truth, it’s scary. Everybody has bent over backwards to try and give you the greatest life and you’ve ruined that.
I’m sorry it’s come to this, I truly am. There’s never been a day in all of this that I haven’t loved you. Even though all the hell and pain you caused. All I’ve ever wanted was to have a relationship with the only living grandparent I have. But I continued to give you the benefit of the doubt, which I have learned just made things worst for us both.
I’ve sent all of our texts and blog posts from the last year and a half and got a psychiatric review to better understand the situation, how I could’ve handled conversations differently, and help with boundaries. The review is enlightening and devastating.
It’s only four days till I know we will never see you again and that’s absolutely devastating and soul crushing. But, you’re not the first person in the family who I have had to watch destroy their lives because of mental illness and addiction, and you won’t be last I’m sure. So I’m going to try and do my best to focus on the happiness and peace I can control and if there truly is anything I can do one last time to assist, I will.
Other than that, this is goodbye. I truly wish you the best in your next journey wherever that may be.
So, I'm a liar, I live in an alternate reality, and I'm suffering from mental illness and addiction. Wow, I thought I was clean and sober, working a summer job that I've taken pride in, and just trying to find a peaceful place to live.
And I've been writing some great code!
I thought I knew who I was, but I guess I'm mistaken...
I bailed on Camper World for a used trailer. The main deal breaker was the fact they weren't willing to drive it the 24 miles to Lillian, AL and hook it up. They claimed liability issues prevented them from doing that. They couldn't even recommend someone to do it independently.
And they couldn't seem to understand that I wasn't going to drive it anywhere, thus didn't need all the travel perks they were dumping on the deal.
The final break in the straw was when a CW rep texted me saying he couldn't get a hold of Riley and was contacting me instead. He said there was another interested party and if we wanted to make the deal, we better decide soon.
Really? Sounds like a pressure tactic and since I didn't know how much the deposit was going to be or how much my monthly payment was going to be, I told him the deal was over and go with the other client.
I texted Riley what I did, then turned off my fucking phone. My landlord here told me to shove it when I asked her for assistance in checking out the trailer yesterday, so I have no interest in talking to anybody at the moment.
I have four days of Pool Duty coming up and then my living situation here is done. I'm burnt out, and finished with my current relationships here in Pensacola.
Not sure where I'm going but I've gotten spoiled by Florida weather so I think I'll head South and see where I end up. It can't be worse than this.
Working out, writing great code, working seven hour shifts and buying an RV Camper with Riley. The situation here has gone to hell, but it's not the first time I've gone through a destroyed relationship, and hopefully it will be the last.
Eight days to go and I can start a new life, without any bullshit baggage. I've got three days off and then four days to end the month and the job. I'm making extra money to hire someone to move me to Lillin, AL and help me hookup the trailer.
Rock Forward!
Update: Bailing on the trailer, working on getting out of the space I'm in.
Fuck forward..
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