I've been thinking about this Sad and Lonely concept, that apparently I am under. First off, am I Sad? That would imply being depressed, and sometimes I am, but most times I'm not.
I love life, very glad to be here, hope it sticks around! I'm sad that I've made many bad decisions over my lifetime, but what the fuck can I do about that now, so I am over that. Sadness no longer dominates my life.
Am I lonely? Duhh! I spend most of my day without any human contact, much less have a partner to share the moments with. But I have come to accept that.
And there are benefits to living alone! You only argue with yourself! You can fart in bed, loudly, let it rip! Life is about you, and nobody else.
Most days these days, I get up at 0300. I make my hot lemon water, catch up on the news, TicTok for a while, and then go back to bed. I then sleep until 0700 because I can. I'm not lonely during that time.
As the day rolls on, my only decision is when I'm going to head to the path and go walking. It usually occurs around noon, depending on the weather.
Daniel rolls in from his school maintenance job in the afternoon, and often comes over, so I have a little human contact, even if he is a crazy son of a bitch.
So, the bottom line is, am I sad and lonely? No!
My grand-daughter Shelby is a beautiful amazing woman, with a penchant for military men. One year on a road trip to Southern CA, I visited her at the Camp Pendleton Marine base, where she was living with her Marine snipper husband.
To get into the Base I had to present my drivers license to a nice young lady in a guard shack. Shelby told me later that my ID had been subjected to a top level security clearance scan, and if I had the slightest shit going on, I wouldn't have gotten through.
The guy was young, hot, and a snipper. She told me later over lunch off base that they were getting a divorce.
Later, she dated the Blue Angel that tragically died here in a La Vergne, TN crash.
She has now been in a relationship with Andy, a Navy Commander, for some time now. I got to know Andy over our Christmas Cruise to the Caribbean a while back, and I like him. He could have captained our cruise boat in an emergency.
Andy was assigned to the Pentagon recently and they relocated to DC, from their home in Pensacola. Now he's heading to Italy, and Shelby is heading back to Florida. She want's kids and a family, Andy wants a career.
So now she's going to put all of her stuff into a U-Haul, hook her vehicle on the back, and head South. She turned thirty one this year, at the top of her game, and I just have to wonder, what's next!
My amazing grand-daughter Shelby and I, have been entertaining becoming roommates at a house on the beach as she moves back to Florida this Summer. I bailed today.
I look around my little house and realize that this is where I've landed, I accept it, and I will die here. My remaining possessions are embedded in this place, the rent is $500 a month, and I can go anywhere I want, whenever I want to. This is my base.
We had a great chat today, and I get that she want's to help her sad and lonely old grandfather out, because that's who she is. But I would be a burden to her in my condition, and I can't do that, because that's who I am.
So I'm staying put. I have offered my help with anything this Summer, she can swing through Lawrenceburg on any trip South from DC, layover and I'll show her around, and then jump in and head to Florida with her. I can also be a guest down there whenever I want, not a roommate.
I told her the sad and lonely thing is my job to correct, and since I'm retired, I need a job.
And the thought of my neighbor Daniel meeting Shelby, brings a smile to my face, he's a big fan!
I've been dying in this little house on the end of Lee Street for going on five years. I arrived here with high hopes for a new life with Steph's family.
Things were going great for a while, I fell in love with her grand-daughters and I thought I had a lot to offer the family.
I set the place up very cool, giant TV with surround sound in the living room, big central table, with expensive chairs from our place in Idaho.
And then one day I loaned Steph's grandson Dillan a hundred bucks and got him a job at the tubing company. The family took offense at how I handled his failure to show up the next day, and it was over. Steph didn't have my back, and that was over.
Now I look around me and wonder, what the fuck have I done? I'm too old to be making mistakes like this. In my younger days I could rebound, recover and move on. Now I walk around here like the old man I am while trying to decide what I would want to keep, if anything, if I got the fuck out of Tennessee.
I've had some great adventures away from this house, which I cherish, but I could have had them from anywhere.
There was a point in our leaving Idaho, where I could have gone to any place. I was thinking the warmth of Arizona, but I just couldn't pull it off for some reason. As our garage sale loomed, and Steph was getting ready to be with her grandkids here, she finally said to me You need to make up your mind what you're going to do!
At that point I said, I'm going to Tennessee with you. As I look around this lonely little house, crammed with bullshit that needs to be downsized, I accept the fact that I made a mistake.
I've made a few life choices that were great, like moving to the Seattle area to be with Riley. I've also made some bad ones, and I'm coming to grips with the fact, that this was one of them.
I see people all around me here, that have maintained their life partner, and their home, until they die. God I'm so envious that it never happened for me! But, I take full responsibility for everything...
There once was a slave named Nathan Green, also known as Uncle Nearest. He worked at the Dan Call Farm whiskey distillery in Lynchburg, Tennessee, more than 150 years ago, along with Jasper “Jack” Daniel.
Dan sold the farm to Jack, and Nathan stayed on and taught him how to make great whiskey. Nearest Green was the first known black master distiller of Tennessee whiskey.
Together, they introduced the sugar maple charcoal filter process, and made whiskey that today is known worldwide as, Jack Daniels.
I'm not a whiskey guy, but I have drank Jack Daniels. Right now I'm working on trying to drink nothing, but it was good.
Just thought I would share a little Tennessee history, pretty dapper looking ex-slave:
After catching up with the News and Weather on TV in the morning, I shut it down and start watching TicTok on my Samsung Galaxy tablet. It looks great full screen, it's addictive, and I have a weakness for addictive shit.
I have a firm rule that I don't click on any buttons or watch live feeds, which turns the platform into a frustrating one. The TicTok game is to gain followers and clicks, and everybody plays it.
A lot of the content is copyrighted material, and I don't know where they get it. Much of it is short movie clips, strategically cut up into Parts, hopping to get you to click through to watch the next one.
They don't tell you the name of the movie, heaven forbid you bail from their content and find the full movie on NetFlix or Prime. So you watch a two minute clip, find it intriguing, and then it stops and repeats. It's really becoming frustrating and every day I consider dumping the app, but like I said, addicted.
Sometimes I can figure out the name of the movie, with a little detective work. Then I jump into NetFlix, and it's never available, but you can usually rent it on Prime, for $3.99. What if Amazon is behind a diabolical conspiracy to flood TicTok with clips, just to get you to pay for the full movie?
TV has it's own game when it comes to News. I call it the Coming Up racket, where just before a long commercial break, they pimp you with what's on the other side, hoping it will interest you, and keep you from changing the channel! I usually just press the mute button if I choose to stay there.
I have one more totally unrelated rant. In the movies I like to watch, with government agencies pursuing bad guys, or men reading the News, the guys all where suits! I haven't owned, or worn, a suit in over forty years. I actually knew how to tie a tie once, now I just shake my head and wonder why?
I saw on TV our Governor Bill Lee dressed in construction clothes today, along with his wife who has just got her Cancer into remission, physically working on a house that had been damaged in a recent flood. Bill stood behind his wife, giving her the microphone, since she's leading the project. They looked great, and they're good down home Tennessee people!
Update: Elizabeth told me I can often find the name of a movie on TicTok, by checking the comments (or use IMDB.com if I recognize an actor). I found a chart, explains a lot, and Shelby also told me how. Guess I'll keep the app!
The very first grandchild that I ever met, was Chris. He was born in the Bay Area and was in my life a lot as an infant. He was a year older than Riley and we all spent some great years together.
A few years later I learned about two new grandkids being raised by their grandmother Shelly down in Oakdale, CA. So, I drove down to meet them.
The memories are blurred because I'm old, but I remember Johnny and Shelby being embraced and loved by their grandmother. The most vivid memory was a dinner on that trip at Shelly's house.
Shelby was throwing a little fit, traumatized by the insecurities that brought her and her brother to live there. But Shelly calmed her down, and dinner was fine.
Shelly raised Shelby and Johnny, and has since passed. I would say she was the most important person in Shelby's life.
A few years later, Riley and I drove down there and he and Shelby connected. We had a memorable visit, and a bond was forever formed.
We're still on track for a Florida visit this summer.
Shelby and I have been texting this afternoon about her childhood. She's like me, we remember great times, but not everything is in focus, except the love!
I kept this photo framed on the desk near my bed, for the twelve years Steph and I lived in Idaho. It was the first thing I saw as I rolled out of bed in the morning, and the last thing I saw as I went to sleep.
I've had a good couple of days. Friday I just hunkered down, bit the bullet, and didn't drink. It was a rough night, didn't sleep well.
Saturday I managed to get a one mile lap in over at Veterans Park. That was probably the slowest one I've done over the years, as the Parkinsons, and lack of exercise, have taken a toll on my legs. I also managed to walk the creek later, I'm getting back into the routine, and I'm hopeful.
I haven't been over to the walking path since last Fall, and it was great. Next step, working out, and hitting the gym.
I had abs three years ago, living right here. Sure would love to get them back!.
I told Daniel he should get his Harley out and go riding with his boys this weekend. He told me he has to work on Ice Houses. I said, just tell them no and go riding, he rolled his eyes and said no.
The only one telling me what to do, is me. And I aint doing a good job of it.
It's a trip to be retired and single. You are totally responsible for every action you take, with nobody influencing nothin.
Tuesday and Sunday look identical, except some things are closed around town on Sunday, if I ever make it out of the house to be affected by that.
Every day my morning goal is to make my bed, eat breakfast, and wash my dishes. I accomplish that every day, and then my day turns into a downhill spiral, wishing I had someone to share it with, and lift it back up.
It sucks being an old miserable emotional drunk, with a sore arm that I continue to torment. I've had tears in my eyes all day over this Riley thing. Memories are precious, that's why I blog, to save them.
My boy Riley's biological father has been genetically established, thanks to some amazing detective work by his wife Jess.
His name is Jim Pruden, at least we have the same first name, and his last name was not Pruit as we thought. He died in 2016 and would have turned 75 in June. He has a great large family in LaPorte, Indiana that loved and respected him.
Jess has been working on this for years as a surprise for Riley. They did a DNA test back in 2018 but nothing with the name Pruit matched. This was the case for years but somehow she connected with Jim's sister Mary on Facebook with the last name Pruden, and offered to pay for a DNA test, Mary agreed but went half in.
Suddenly all the dots came together, and Riley's father had been found. They have since been in touch with the family and they're all very exited to meet them. They did meet with one of Jim's brothers and his wife when they were in Arizona, and made a great connection. (link) They shared photos of Jim and he looked like Riley's twin.
This is amazing! I'm very proud of Jess, I actually thought Riley would go through life with no father on his birth certificate. Now they're going to fix that, and they have a brand new family!
Update: I guess you could say that I was Riley's dad and Jim Pruden was his father. I actually held Riley in my arms before his mother did. He was delivered Cesarean, in a San Francisco hospital, and the nurse brought him out of the delivery room and handed him to me. His legs were bent back up towards his chest, thus the C-Section.
His legs straightened out just fine, and we have had a wonderful life together. Jim died not knowing he had a son, and that's sad, but I was more than happy to fill in!
I told Jess that Riley saved my life, he gave me a reason for being. She replied: Thank you, you mean the world to him and I know that without you he would not be the man he is today (he's also said you saved him & influenced him greatly)! In fact just about all his fond memories include you! You did something most men, especially back then, wouldn't do... You loved him (still do) unconditionally as your own!
If the video fails to load, click Here.
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