We all need affirmation that we are worthwhile, because to lose it, makes existence worthless.

When that happens we are faced with a few choices. If you're old like me you either lower your head and say fuck it, or you get a raging hard on in the middle of the night, capable of fucking any woman, and then realize you have no interest in doing that.

I have experienced sexuality evolve, from 1954 to now. So shut the fuck up you idiots that think you know what sex is about, because you don't. Have you ever been in an orgy with a hundred people? I didn't think so...

As to women, this culture we live in that thinks tits and pussy are what we want and need, is full of shit. How's that for a visual?

I watch our current world embrace this crap, and all I can think of, is that dick's rule!

I was sitting in the comfortable chair out on the front porch today, watching traffic enter I-10, when a petite, 50ish woman walked by me on the sidewalk. We didn't make eye contact, but I had her figured out in a heart beat. She had a nice backpack on and was carrying a couple luggage style bags in each hand.

Around here, that only means one thing. Anyway, as she headed down the street I went into the kitchen. I had left the door open and suddenly saw her out on the street looking my way, so I went back out. I stood on the sidewalk with her and she asked me how to get to Palafox Place.

Well, she was asking the right old man, who has learned these streets, and I told her how. As she turned to walk away I asked if she was homeless, and she said yes. I asked if she did the Kitchen down the street, and she did this morning.

I told her I volunteer there and we had a nice chat about it. I was there this morning, bright and early, but the three ladies running the show had it down, so I split.

Otherwise, I would have met Janet this morning. She asked if I had a couple bucks for water, and I gave her enough to get a sandwich to go with that.

Maybe I'll see her tomorrow, and I'll give her a hug.

I got to run the front station at the Soup Kitchen this morning, for the first time, and I enjoyed the hell out of it.

As folks walk in, they have two options. If they're eating inside they just walk by me, seat themselves at a table and get served there.

The other option is to be greeted by me, at which point I've got coffee to go for them in a Styrofoam cup, water, and a bag with a breakfast sandwich and a banana. Extra sugars and creamers are a common request.

I'm also the point person for supply requests. It's rainy out there and I handed out socks and blankets to many. Saying good morning and making eye contact, giving them warmth and sustenance, is very rewarding. I think I've landed this job for Mondays to come.

Maybe I really am a fucked up old asshole who has burned every bridge, maybe that's why these people feel so real and honest to me...

My mornings at the Soup Kitchen start a little after 0600. I get myself a cup of coffee and then start preparing beverages. When folks come in and sit down I serve them a coffee, and a water if they want one.

Todays entree was a breakfast sandwich with an apple or an orange. If we have coffees left over and someone wants one, they get it. Water refills are served from a pitcher and extra sugar and creamers come out of the pockets of my apron, served with my gloved hands.

I learned a new thing from Doug, a volunteer here for years. We use separate clean rags to wipe down the tables, vs the chairs. Makes sense...

I got a nice compliment from the boss lady that I've got the hang of it, and I'll see them again next Monday morning.

I actually have a lot of experience in this. I bussed tables as a kid at casinos in Reno and Tahoe, and I was a bellman at a hotel in Kent, WA for a couple of years.

I remember the last time I was homeless. It was in the early nineties after I followed my son Riley and his mom Colleen up to Kent, WA, south of Seattle.

I had just turned Forty in a downtown Oakland, CA bar, when I realized that my computer career in California, was over. I needed to be where my son was, Colleen and I were no longer a couple, but I went.

They moved into an apartment complex called Parkwood. I lived with them for a while, but Colleen and I didn't work, so we just shared raising Riley together, while I moved into another place.

My coding skills were still peaking and I fell into Assembly Language. This was the most complicated base level language available on the new IBM PC, and I had gained a reputation.

I worked a contract with Sundstrand Corp up in Bellevue writing code for the airlines Black Box (actually red...).

Z-Soft out of Atlanta, the authors of IBM's graphics program PC Paintbrush, hired me to write device drivers for the flock of new scanners coming in from Japan, with no English documentation.

They sent me their first one, to see if I could do it. I wrote a great driver, charged them 5K for it, and used it as a template for the scanners that followed.

Like all good things in those days, things changed. The two guys named Mark, who ran Z-Soft, came out to Seattle and we got stoned together on a salmon fishing boat out in the Bay. I then picked them up an ounce of bud to take back to Atlanta, while they watched Riley at my place.

These guys had just come from a meeting with Microsoft with a fresh unreleased diskette of Windows 3.1. They installed it on my computer and watched my son while I bought them some pot.

Eventually I landed in an apartment building two units down from Colleen and Riley. I lasted for a couple of months, ran out of money, and ended up on the street. Colleen let me store my important possessions, which I still have here in the Cave, on her back porch, and I moved out into the field on the back side of Target.

I've been thinking all day about the many down and out people I helped serve breakfast to this morning. They appreciated everything, the human attention given to them, the service, a warm breakfast and a hot cup of coffee.

Can you imagine being in that situation? I can and I have. I recognized a few local folks, the guy that sleeps under an old grey blanket on a bench was there. The broken man who walks with his head completely forward, staring at the ground, was there.

The lady I saw sleeping under the I-10 onramp recently was not there. Maybe she'll show up at the Soup Kitchen someday, I owe her a meal.

We served a hot breakfast of grits, scrambled eggs and a sausage patty, with coffee and water, to 110 folks this morning. Most were homeless, some took their meal and ate outside because they couldn't deal with other people, and it was an amazing event.

I served coffee, and water if requested, to each table. I wore rubber gloves and an apron to hold extra sugars and creamers. We served a fresh banana with each meal and I cleaned the tables when they became empty. It was mostly men, a few women, and even young kids in the to go line.

I didn't take photos during the meal, for their privacy, but it was something else, and very rewarding.

In another part of the building they have small rooms for families, with rest rooms in the hallway. Off to the side there were large bins with clothing and supplies.

There were three ladies and another guy and me working this place, while Joe was back in the kitchen cooking. Meals were served in styrofoam containers because the dishwasher broke a year ago.

It looks like Monday through Wednesday will be my volunteer mornings, and I am honored to become a part of this team.

I filled out a Volunteer Application this morning with Loaves & Fishes Soup Kitchen. They're a Christian group that feeds the needy, a five minute walk from our place, and I want to help out.

I was there at 0600 this morning to help with breakfast but I couldn't get inside. We hooked up after and I now know how to get in. My first official day will be tomorrow.

It looks like my volunteer time will be Mon-Wed for a few morning hours. That works perfectly because I need to bike downtown this Thursday morning, un-register my truck, and return the license plate, because my truck is dead and I've canceled the insurance.

The Supervisor of Elections Office is in the same building, so I'll vote there.

There are two powerful, world changing men that I really admire and respect. Trump and Musk.

If Trump wins, our world can come alive again, wars will reign in, with honesty, integrity and amazing technology becoming our new reality!

Let the last few years go down in U.S. history as the Four Year Fuckup, forget about it, and move on to a great new chapter.

There are so many amazing people coming together with a Republican victory. I was a Junior in High School when JFK was assassinated, it changed my life and his nephew can now improve ours.

Vance is great, I hope I live long enough to watch his assession.

And so much more, Go Trump!

Zinny was holding her own in the Toy Tug contest this morning against the big black dogs. I think it's that fat sausage belly of hers that adds weight to her pull.

My dog watching chores are done, and I'm back home. I was going to bring Zinny back but I'm serving the food line tomorrow morning and I don't know how long they need me.

Besides, she loves it at Dan's house and Shelby can bring her home Tuesday when she gets back.

I've missed our home, I just wish I could contribute more...