I take multiple meds three times a day. I have this cool dispenser that Shelby loads up for me (as did Jess when I was in Washington). If I miss my evening batch, I know it the next morning because my right arm really hurts.
That's the arm I messed up falling down a Nashville BNB stairwell a while back, and the new meds control the pain. The fact that my arm is killing me this morning means I set my pills down somewhere last night and missed taking them, or the pain pill in that mix doesn't work anymore.
I don't mean to sound like a whiney old man, but hey, it is my blog after all.
So something different happened this morning. I get dizzy now on occasion, but it hasn't knocked me down or affected my driving. This morning I was in bed, laying flat on my back, when I pushed myself up just a bit to find my phone. The sun was beaming through the window so I knew it was around 0700.
Suddenly my brain, my vision, my awareness, whatever you want to call it, started spinning around hard. I had to fight to retain consciousness and really thought I was going to lose it.
I almost passed out big time, I'm not talking going back to sleep, I'm talking going out, and not sure when I was coming to. It finally stopped and I was able to head downstairs with my arm hanging worthless and in pain while my left hand held my phone.
Then I gave the dogs their morning walk and ended up swatting at a wasp with my right hand. God my arm hurts now, excuse me while I sit here and whine...
Shelby whipped up a great crockpot with the chicken I bought at Publix, gave me and the animals access to it, then drove off to a political fund raiser somewhere around town.
The Garage Mancave was popular tonight as neighbors had to park on our side due to construction. Turns out Luna the cat is theirs, so the owners dropped by and it turns out we met them at the beach two weeks ago.
Luna was lounging inside with the two small dogs tied up to a long rope, and they were all eating crockpot chicken scraps.
I think I have become a benefit to our little neighborhood in Blue Angels land, not much gets by me back here. A couple of good old boys just wondered into our complex with a dead battery vehicle on the street.
I whipped out the portable charger I keep in my truck and had them going on the first crank. They were very grateful.
I was being followed into a store this morning by a guy who walks like I walk on occasion, escorted on the arm of his woman. I pulled that door wide open, gave them a greeting and a big smile, and let them walk on in.
It's been an interesting progressive day. Took a nice walk this morning with my Tilly hat on, it looks like I've burned the top of my head pretty bad with all this sun.
My body is definitely transforming. I don't eat much these days, and the extra pounds are sliding off. I'm also getting real tan but strange dark spots are showing up.
My truck is back, she's starting right up now. I made my first truly independent drive to town for supplies this morning. I stopped at all the signs and lights, and didn't hit anyone.
I feel the new Jim evolving into something, someone, a real man again. My pride has been shattered by the recent crash and burn in Tennessee.
Now, I'm slowly starting to respond more defensively when the subject of how did a formally successful old man, fail to survive in a cheap Southern Tennessee house, and end up so broken, hanging out in his grand-daughters basement?
The absolute truth is, I barely remember most of it. I'm lucky to sit here and write about events today. I keep pissin and moanin about my brain, how it somehow got damaged a few times recently. But I know it's real.
My life has been crazy and out of my control for months now. I don't remember how I got to the point where Shelby was driving me in the dark down to Tampa, FL. What the fuck just happened?
Memories of Tampa and great people, and places are there, just fading. Then I managed to shut down my Tennessee house and get myself and my important stuff here to Pensacola.
Now I just made a successful trip to town...
But I still can't remember this sweet little dogs name... Oh yea, Lexi.
Sitting in the Cage on a hot evening while Shelby cooks up a bowl of something good. I have the little white dog Lexi on my lap and the grey cat Luna is sitting in the garage opening, claiming her space for the night.
Zinny is kinda pouting, probably waiting for Moma to start the movie.
Lexi's owner is a petite little fox, under a hundred pounds, in her twenties (I think) and works as a nurse downtown. The closest I'll ever get that girl to sit on my lap, is through her dog. I'll settle for that, and I think we're all becoming friends.
It's Sunday evening, I'm going to head to the couch and watch a movie, with my favorite grand-daughter and a couple of dogs.
I just felt something crawling down my chest, my eyes were closed as I was nodding off in the Cave. I didn't know what it was, so I swatted it hard.
Turns out it was me, I had drooled, slobbered all over my chest with a big string of saliva, but I killed that thing with a hard swat! It must have been those two gummies sitting on the counter, that I found.
It's very interesting taking so many pills a day, I have never done this in my life, and I honestly don't know what any of them do. But if I miss my evening pills, my right arm is killing me in the morning.
But I feel alright and my brain seems intact lately. I keep trying to tell people that my technique for getting through the day involves vodka and pot, plus the pills.
Ok, I know it was a lot of vodka, a little weed, and not giving a flying fuck about my life, that got me here.
But everything has changed with these new meds, they make me feel ok physically, and my mental state is solid.
Shelby deserves the best from me, and I'm trying hard. Just give me the chance to make it work!
Well, it's the last day of June. This honestly stuns me, memories of the last few months are like the Jaggies in front of my eyes, they come and go in the hot air.
It's truly become a quest for my survival as a man. Thanks to my grand-daughter Shelby, and my family and friends, I may just make it.
I'm surrounded by the stuff that matters to me. My tables and chairs, my big TV with a sound system that needs hooking up, and my grandfathers hammers.
Somehow I've managed to keep hold of the few items in my life that still have value to me. They really probably don't mean anything to anybody, but they represent my past and my family, and without that, I am nothing.
We're hunkering down today, for a while, as the badass thunderstorm downpour rolls by. This is how the homeless take showers around here. They strip off their clothes and wash off in the warm strong rain, entertained by loud rolling thunder.
Shelby and I are playing it smart today. We're waiting until the storm stops before we go to the Beach. Ok, maybe it is the place with the big bar tab I swore I would never go to again. Hell, I swear about shit I never back up, all the time.
I made my first drink of the day here at home today, half way through noon. I should probably not go the beach now. Hell, I can't even find the shirt I wore to the pool brunch yesterday, and it's my favorite.
I also don't know where my wallet is. I'm pretty sure I gave it to Shelbs last night, so not worried.
Yea, I think I better stay home. But she should go! It's Sunday, her day off from a grueling on-line job, and her friend circle is there.
Leave the old man home to hunker down, get buzzed and stoned, watch a movie and write.
Shelby and I went to a brunch yesterday, with friends of hers down the Pensacola road. The host was a local pediatrician with a lovely professional wife. It looked like they had a really nice home, but I never went inside, I spent my time at the pool.
People began arriving shortly after us. They were all really good looking and they came bearing more food to match the spread on the table next to the pool.
A guy I've met before invited me to the back forty to smoke a fatty. I was in good shape as the sun went down. I can't go into detail, but this is the second party down here I've held beautiful bare breasts in my appreciative hands.
And to be very clear here, Shelby was not in this mix, we have rules, but she won.
I'm getting to know my mancave neighbor, Rajiv, from Sri Lanka. We've been hanging out at our open garage doors the last couple of nights, and I like him. He's been a businessman, bartender, owner pioneer here in Pensacola for a long time.
Shelby and I wondered over to his place last night after the debate. He had some family and friends there, it was fun.
Now I'm in the cave on a steaming hot Florida day, dancing, drinking, smoking and writing. Everyone around me is off to work or whatever they do. Shelby's doing her online job at her office in the living room.
The hot chick who walks her two dogs has been prancing around on the grass in front of me, twice. There's an interesting older women living here, we've evolved past eye contact and we're now waving at each other as she gets in and out of her car in front of me. I need to invite her to the cave.
Update: I did, her name is Dawn, I liked her, I told her I once loved a woman named Dawn. We chatted a bit, she's a massage therapist, and a very nice lady.
I'm trying to accept my illness, and the way I am with it. On numerous occasions I've been a brain damaged idiot and offended people. I'm really trying to end that, to somehow see what's real and what's not.
But I know myself to my soul. I'm almost 78 and I have evolved into who I am. I'm honest, I don't cheat, steal or harm anyone or anything. I love a few people.
I am who I am, what I present is real, and I have no problem presenting it.
It's interesting and kind of fun to examine the new spots and areas popping up all over my trimmed down old body.
I don't hurt, I got enough drugs in me to handle that, and I'm not depressed, I got meds for that to!
Things are cool here at Shelby's house, where her crazy old grand-father is along for the ride.
The Debate is tonight, and the Dem's are whipping up Sloppy Joe's for dinner, so are we, while Trump try's to Trump that with Trump Salad in November.
Maybe I can get Shelby out here to the cave tonight, watch the show on my big screen...
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