What is a partner? It's someone you share your life with.

When you're down, you bury your face in their lap and cry.

When you're up, and strong, you offer it back.

I can't remember my last good cry, much less in the lap of a partner I loved.

When your brain gets hurt you start grasping at every memory you have, and try to store it, somewhere you can get it back.

I'm finding this happening to me. Fortunately most of my past memories are intact, while recent ones apparently have nowhere to store themselves, and they're getting lost.

My sweet grand-daughter Shelby has rescued me from suicide by vodka and given me this moment. We are now partners in forming a life here in Pensacola, FL.

God, I've been sharing so much honesty and emotions with her, and I love her so much, but she is not my partner.