I've figured out the problem with my loss of memory, it's the Parkinson's. My tremors have been worsening a bit daily, and what struck me this morning was Parkinson’s disease (PD) dementia.

The tremors suck, but this has scared the hell out of me. I've researched it and I've got all the symptoms, and there is no cure. I'm taking meds for the PD but who knows what they're doing and I don't want to stop and find out.

PD is now affecting my ability to be independent. My mind has always been my strong point, it keeps me going, and this blog has been the glue. I may feel bad physically, but I could still figure out how to deal with it.

If I have many more attacks like this morning I don't know if I can maintain this independent life. There are still things I've forgotten overnight that I can't recall. Like where my sister lives, and do I have any upcoming commitments this week or this month. I still can't remember where my buddy lives, and I thought I was going to head out there today.

If I lose this place I'll be stuck in a rundown nursing home somewhere. The few simple pleasures I enjoy, like drinking vodka and smoking from my pipe, will be taken away.

So now things have gotten very real. Forget lost past loves, life's successes and failures, blogging, and so much more. This could be the beginning of the end.