My words and pictures define my life, as it fades away, and I have so little left.
What a trip it is to feel life fading! Yea, there's always the get yourself back together physically and stop drinking mode. But I've been there, done that, and failed. A few times...
Now I think about the very few people left who care about me, and wow, I've really dropped to a new low. They are my son Riley and family, my grand-daughter Shelby, and my neighbor Daniel.
Beyond that, I have my sisters family back West that I never see anymore. She brought me into Idaho, and I bailed eventually to Tennessee.
To chase a love, a possible new family, and have it dissolve around me without really understanding why.
All I do now is stay alive and write!
My chest hurts, I don't know if it's my lungs or my heart. I walk around my small house wondering if this is the day I drop dead. A hell of a way to live...
I'm absolutely done with Post notifications, shoving my shit into peoples text feeds. I'm just going to write until I can't.
I feel really broken. I actually would end it if I wasn't so morally opposed to that.