I stepped out onto my little porch this evening, to caress it with a puff of smoke, and realized how dead it feels. Yea it's quiet, private and safe, but theirs no vibrancy, no life.
Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one really living on this street. Since I landed here going on six years ago I've had some great drives around the country, two cruises, been to Belize three times, and Roatan twice.
I had an epic drive across America to hang with my boy in Seattle one Summer, while Brian and I hooked up there recently and did the NorthWest by car, fed the homeless in downtown Portland, and attended my grand-daughters first birthday.
My truck knows the routes between my place and Atlanta, Pensacola, and Tampa, well.
My heart was broken midway through this southern adventure, but I carried on, and for a guy in his late seventies, I've done alright!
But it's all catching up to me now. My physical health is quicky matching my monetary health, and both are bouncing on the bottom. Maybe I have one more great adventure in me, Omaha, NB.
Daniel and I had a fun moment this evening. He finally came over after wasting away in his chair all Sunday, feeling miserable and sorry for himself.
I've been blogging all afternoon, and was really proud that I made it up to the tobacco store for ice and peanut butter cups.
At one point I started parroting him, pissing and moaning about how his wife doesn't love him anymore, and how sad and depressed he was.
Suddenly he returned it right back, doing a great imitation of me throwing blog posts and photos at anyone I can find. Read this post, check this out! Shut the fuck up Jim!
Daniel has gone home, but sometimes in life you know you have found a good friend.
I've been thinking about death today as I walk around my little place. I'm alone with a will, that more and more just looks like possession distribution.
Death brings about disruption, and I don't want that to happen to my family. In fact, I wish you would all stay home. Unless you're in my Will and want any of my pathetic things.
I give my neighbor Daniel power of attorney to get me cremated. Use the possessions not covered or wanted in the Will, to cover the cost. Estate sale baby!
Split the ashes between Riley and Shelby, for a West/East coast beach goodbye.
Hopefully I'll continue being around for a while, just wanted to let my wishes be known.
I watched Caitlan set her record at halftime, and enjoyed a down home cooked Sunday afternoon supper. Basketball on my TV is now off, my door is open, it's 59° and quiet.
I saw something big and white run across Jeffs yard across the street. I jumped up, grabbed the binoculars, and sure enough, our albino squirrel is back, and all grown up.
Last year he was just a kid being bullied by other squirrels because he didn't look like them. He's big and badass now!
Caitlin Clark's playing her last college basketball game today for Iowa, at noon, Central Standard Time. I've been following her since she recently broke the record for most points in a game.
Now she's eighteen points away from breaking the season scoring record, women or men. I'll be watching and cheering her on.
Here's my view of the record breaking moment.
Caitlin has the ball with thirty seconds left before halftime, two points away from breaking the record that has stood for over fifty years. Other players stay back, and she slowly dribbles as the half approaches. Finally she rushes towards the net and launches one of her high signature shots.
She wants swish, nothing but net, a crowd erupting, halftime ending event while the network has the time to revel in it.
But she missed. The clock was down to 0.3 seconds and it was stopped for some penalty. Suddenly the court was cleared and somebody took a free throw shot, then Caitlin appeared and was given two free throws, on a cleared court, to break a fifty year old record, before halftime.
Thank god for the network, she made them both, but later on in the first big interview, she said she didn't know she had broken the record until the crowd erupted, because she was so focused on the game.
Sorry girl, congrats, but you didn't know you were breaking a huge record with each shot, right before the half ended that you slow rolled so you could take your big shot? And where the hell did those two free throws come from?
Gee folks, I think we might be getting played...
I have some daily rules that I live by in my little house. The two most important are to make my bed and do my dishes.
But this was one of those let the fucking dishes slide kind of day, so I did.
I rolled my feet onto the floor at 0715 this morning, and straight into my clothes, instead of my robe. I was hungry, I called my neighbor Daniel and he was on the same wave length.
We drove to the Square in my truck and had their Saturday buffet. It's funny, but I've never had more than one round there, I just build me up a good plate.
Later I ate those sliders, all four of them. Then Daniel wanders over from his nap and say's he's heading into town for Chinese food.
He came back with a container of good stuff and we both ate a plate full.
Anyway, back to the fucking dishes, two more plates and a couple of forks have joined in.
I can't remember the last time I've used an electric dishwasher, it's been decades. I am a professional dish washer, having once dragged myself from hopelessness, to a job at the local hotel, for a few years.
I asked myself if destroying my buzz by doing the dishes was the right thing to do now, and myself said hell no!
Living alone and caring just for yourself is challenging. I have empathy for those that have to work, on top of it, and sometimes we just have to say, fuck the dishes.
And do them in the morning...
I whipped up my original sandwich mix today. It's one can of lobster meat, one can of albacore tuna, both drained well and chopped up, four boiled eggs, mayo and seasoning. Everything is mixed together.
Then I cut the crust off two slices of bread and airfry them until brown on one side. Flip them over, put the mix on, a slice of tomato on each, then sprinkle cheese and more seasoning on top.
Back in, and airfried until ready. Fish Sliders.
They are so good and just melt in my mouth, which works out great since I have no teeth.
I have so many emotions floating through my old mind, as I sit here fucked up in my little space in the South. Love, honesty, and being true to myself is really all that matters!
I didn't land rich, although I should have, instead I landed existing, lonely, horny and sad. I'm also the smartest mother fucker you've ever met in your life!
Yea, I picked up the smart gene, didn't know what to do with it, and it blew up in my face! Now I just respect it.
I dropped down into Instagram today, a land I rarely go to. I saw a message sent a year ago from Andrew Aldworth, a childhood friend of my son Riley, a kid that I loved as a son through the nineties in Kent, WA.
So, I left him a message, call me, with my number. I was passed out in my chair tonight when my phone rang. It was Andrew!
We had a great talk, he told me that I was his inspiration to pursue a career in technology.
I was doing some stuff back in the nineties that obviously inspired him. I had crawled my way back from living in a fucking field, to driving a bus and writing code.
My friend Andrew is now around forty and doing great in the tech world. I'm truly touched by the emotion he expressed tonight, and that I was his inspiration.
I happened upon one of the last Posts I made on my old blog. Steph and I were bailing on Idaho, not sure if we were even going in the same direction.
We landed here together. I formed a bond with her family, that sadly dissolved into dust, and I miss them. I also yearn to reconnect with the family I left behind in Idaho and Wyoming, somehow.
And now my grand scheme is to connect with as many of my grand babies as I can, in one spot in the middle of America, this Summer.
Other than that, I'm just a bit drunk, smoked and sad.
My phone and my watch are connected, and I just found a photo that my watch took, and sent to my phone. I have no idea of when or where, appears to be an Amish jar of mustard, and it looks pretty tasty actually!
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