I'm horribly depressed living here. I know I'm not wanted, but I have nowhere to go. Words about becoming part of the family, have dissolved into the sand I walk about on the floor of this run down trailer.

I've moved my morning workouts into the trailer because Ana's here and my spot is right out her window. I park my trike outside next to the trailer now, because opening the garage involves going in the house, which I keep to a bare minimum.

I let the chickens out into the world in the morning, and hand feed them treats an hour later. They like me. I let the dogs out whenever I can, and love on them and give them treats. They love me back, and I'll take whatever morsels of love I can get lately.

I just did fifty pushups, but alternated directions half way, to compensate for the slope of the trailer floor. The same with my abb rolls. My third workout I do on the bed.

I've taught my body how to hold on to my morning shit until I get to work around 0950. If I'm not working I try to wait until everyone leaves the house. Otherwise, there's always the Park.

The only thing that's really keeping me going is my own integrity. I'm clean and sober and healthy for myself, nobody else.