I've been staring at that picture of my older brother, in that locked down nursing home, in the middle of California, seven or eight years ago.

It had been decades since I'd seen him, but I found him, then I road tripped straight there from Idaho one Summer.

He was living on a cot in the back of that home. I had to sign in out front and they wanted to know my relationship to him. Not knowing what was going on, I said friend.

I sat on his cot next to him, and god I wish I had recorded our talk. All I have left from that now is the connection. He knew who I was, his blood, his brother.

Back in Idaho I tried to bring him into our Valley, and failed. In the process, we both lost.

I lost Steph and my sisters family, he lost his life.