I'm sitting in the cave, crying. How unbecoming for an old man, but it doesn't matter, because there's nobody around to notice. I keep fucking up, and I don't know if I can ever fix myself. And there's no way in hell that I would take my own life, so all I can do is sit here and cry.

At least I didn't land in prison. Or hurt anyone physically. Emotionally, yes. And I honestly don't know how Shelby has endured me. I would be dead now if she hadn't rescued me in Tennessee, where I was simply fading away as a broken old man. Now I can't even fade away, because it obviously is not allowed.

My actions have caused the loss of my family, my woman, and the few friends I had left. There are no redo's in life, all I can do now is survive it one day at a time. Try to do better, try to keep the bottle down, and spend my days wondering why.