I mentioned in a Post recently that I didn't want to be here in this house anymore. As it has become clearer, I realized I didn't want to be here, without Shelby. We were pretty settled in for the Summer and had a good time.

Then things changed, her job, a new man with a daughter, in another house, while I fell apart from losing my truck and mobility. But I'm pretty locked in now, I'm sustainable here as my legs are dying, and I dread moving out in a month.

Yea I know, I've had a hair up my ass to hit the road, find adventure, start a new life. Fuck that, I can barely walk to the store now. Maybe if I prove to have the balls to get sober, we could get another roommate.

I've been a smart, physical, loving man over my 78 years. Also an idiot, asshole and fool, with a fucking bottle at my side, most of the time.

Sometimes there were moments of greatness that I'm very proud I achieved, then times of absolute despair, embarrassment and wishing it was over.

I spent this afternoon at the Services place with a lot of needy people in a room, filling out applications for Medicaid and Food Stamps on computers, which could happen in a month if accepted.

It's been decades since I've been homeless, or on the dole.