I've got a bad feeling. I feel my options dissolving around me, like I've not lived up to the expectations needed to continue this mode of survival.

I guess when you get to my age there are two ways to go, give up and fall into the state of a slobbering worthless piece of human flesh and hope the world takes care of you, or fight every day to maintain your health and your dignity.

I'm taking the latter approach, staying sober, not smoking weed, working out and working. But I feel my past trying to beat me up, and at every turn I'm reminded of the weak man I used to be. If I'm not careful, I will fail again, so I've been told.

A lot of things are out of my control now. All I can do now is take life a day at a time. I will remain as strong as I can, and do my best to not react to others disappointment, or negative opinions.