As I was reading my recent early morning post, it became evident what the problem is. Although I knew it, sometimes I need to accept it, and articulate it.
When I self medicate with alcohol, my Parkinsons symptoms decline, I become numb to them, and I pass out on my bed in the evening. I don't experience the kind of shit I went through last night sober. I just sleep like a rock and then drag my ass out of bed to start the daily routine up again.
The meds my neurologist prescribed, ain't working. My physical condition has declined to the point that I can't work out.
But hey, it could be worse! Next Wednesday I see the hematologist about my blood workup. Who knows how that shit is going to go down :-)
I'm not sitting here bitching about my life, just observing. I am really grateful to have survived this long, and not be homeless on the street. I am my families patriarch, the old remaining guy at the top of the lineage, and proud to be so.
I have accomplished a great deal in my 76 years, and fucked up a lot, but thats called Life!
Anyway, my current condition really kinda makes sense to me now. I accept it, as do I accept the relationships that are crumbling around me, because of it. But please don't think too badly of me, I really am a nice, honest old man, and I will take that with me, to my grave...